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Top Ten Worst
1. Rosie ODonnell: The loud-mouthed comedienne recently joined the cast of ABCs The View, but lemme tell ya, no one enjoys the view of Rosie in high-def. Most people use a wash cloth to clean their face; but Rosie looks like she uses a Brillo pad. Her face is extremely coarse and rough-looking in high-def, particularly when she sits next to the youthful and vibrant countenance of Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
2. Howard Stern: In high-def, Howard looks a little like Cher, that is, if you saw Cher two minutes after she first woke up in the morning. The shock jock reportedly underwent plastic surgery to try to improve his oft self-maligned appearance, but he might want to consider filing a malpractice suit. This is the worst abuse of a surgical scalpel since Jack the Ripper roamed the streets of London.
3. Teri Hatcher: The Desperate Housewives star was number one on last year’s HD Horribles list, but shes not any less desperate this year in high-def. Hatcher is now 41, but her age is not the problem. Shess so thin that she could pass as a mother of four in Darfur. Because her body weight is so low, her skin is too tight on her frame. When she makes a facial gesture, the veins on her forehead pop out like they’re auditioning to play the Monster in the next Alien movie.
4. Britney Spears: Mrs. Federline is just 24, but she looks 34 in HDTV. Her skin is puffy and covered with small blemishes. In high-def, she looks like a different person. And considering the disappointing sales of her last two albums, her record company might think shes become a different person.
5. Barbara Walters: Bravo to the bravest woman in America. As executive producer of The View, Babs this year gave the green light to broadcasting the show in high-def. But in HD, her face has more lines than a Manhattan sidewalk.
6. Burt Reynolds: After numerous apparent plastic surgeries, Burts face looks like its been Scotch taped back in place. His skin texture seems different in every area, as if the Nip n Tuck boys couldnt keep track of what they did last. And those toupees dont help, either. You get the feeling that it takes the Boogie Nights star half the day just to get his head together, and we don’t mean psychologically.
7. Meredith Vieira: After first seeing herself in high-def, The Today Show co-host probably wishes she could turn the clock back to yesterday. Despite NBC giving her a soft focus in studio shots, Vieira’s heavily-lined face is strikingly visible when the cameras swing outdoors.
8. Madonna: Madonna reportedly has had some cosmetic surgery on her face. But it certainly didnt make her a cut above the rest. The pop stars cheeks look more caved in than a West Virginia coal mine. Its very unnatural looking. In fact, shes starting to look like Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard. Except, please, no close-ups, Mr. DeMille.
9. Mick Jagger: In high-def, his face looks like a rolling stone. No, on second thought, it looks like its been hit by a rolling stone.
10. Ray Liotta: Another returnee from our 2005 list. The pockmarked actor is now playing a thief in the new CBS drama, Smith. Lets hope Ray steals a case of Clearasil by episode four.
Top Ten Best
1. Scarlett Johansson: The H, in HDTV stands for Heaven when you gaze upon the sultry Scarlett. The 21-year-old actress has the most luscious lips on the planet. And how about the rest of her? Shes so beautiful in high-def that she almost persuaded fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi to change more than his clothes at the 2006 Golden Globes.
2. Beyonce Knowles: The Pink Panther star is the cats meow in high-def...Beautiful skin; beautiful teeth; beautiful hair. And, yes, a beautiful body. Of course, it helps that Beyonce is 24 years old, but youth alone wont save you from the high-def lens. Just ask Britney Spears.
3. Evangeline Lily: In high-def, the luscious Lost star makes being marooned look like a vacation. No wonder Sawyer and Jack seem to have such little interest in getting off the island.
4. Josh Holloway: I am a guy, but watching the high-def Lost, I can see how Holloway can use his manly wiles to woo everyone from Kate (Evangeline Lily) to Ana Lucia (Michelle Rodriguez) on the show. He looks like Don Johnson from the Miami Vice days.
5. Eva Longoria: Last yearss number one HD Honey, Eva is still a sight to behold. And thats not the only thing I would like to be holding.
6. Charlize Theron: Another repeater from our 2005 HD Honey list. Charlize is perfect. Perfect skin. Perfect hair. Perfect teeth. Perfect body. Oh, what a perfect body.
7. Christina Aguilera: The singer has nice skin and beautiful white teeth. But its her sparkling blue eyes that really shine in high-def. Very pretty. If Madonna ever has to reprise her MTV kiss, she would be wise to skip Britney and go straight for Christina.
8. Elisabeth Hasselbeck: The junior partner on The View, Hasselbeck is cuter than a hundred kittens. And she looks sensational in high-def.
9. Ben Affleck: This guy must have signed a pact with the Devil. He has everything! Jennifer Garner; a successful film career (despite a series of box office flops); and looks to kill for. In high-def, he looks younger (and cockier) than his years.
10. Martha Stewart: Yes, Martha Stewart. She might be 65, but she doesnt look it in HDTV. Prison life must have agreed with her.
